Reviews

It's another darts game, actually darts this ain't, more like Professional Drunk Simulator, or better yet a complete mockery.

Back in these days darts was ridiculed by the press for its manner that players were allowed to drink on stage and were usually overweight as a result. So Guy Brown stepped in to take the mickey, and my did he achieve it.

Basically the main aim is not to win a darts match but SURVIVE a darts match, for with every dart thrown you consume alcohol which goes up as the game progresses, either through natural gameplay, someone buying you another drink forcing you to drink up your current one "to keep the crowd happy" which increases your alcohol level, or someone would spike your drink which increases the alcohol per throw.

Other shenanigans that proceed during the game include bounceouts (usually when hitting targets like treble 20), missing the board altogether (again usually while hitting big targets like treble 20), dropping the darts (ditto), falling through the stage because of his massive weight and going to the toilet during your turn, the last two meaning you miss a turn and thus score nothing.

Normal darts rules do apply, playing a game of 301 or 501 darts and scoring down to 0 finishing on a double, but forget all that as clearly the aim of the game is to drink yourself to death. Because if your alcohol level reaches 999, you die of alcohol poisoning...did I call this a mockery already?

I suppose the humour will please people but it becomes too annoying and repetitive when your dart keeps bouncing out and it becomes too apparent that the game doesn't matter and you are facing imminent and unavoidable death. It is impossible to complete a match without succumbing, make of that whatever way you will.

So Dartz is simply a mock of darts but if the game isn't enough to prove that theory then this from the manual sums up the game perfectly -

"Skill, luck and overweight drunken slobs, all play their vital part."

Need I say more?