[ZXSR NOTE: The overall scores are an average of the marks given individually by the three reviewers over the three games tested (Daley Thompson's Supertest, Wanted: Monty Mole and The Way of The Exploding Fist). The actual reviewer scores are included in the review text.]

IT'S A STICK UP!

Are you still scraping by using a keyboard on the latest arcade games - and scraping the skin off the ends of your fingers into the bargain? What you need's a 'stick to bring the joy back to your gamesplaying. To help you choose the right one for the job, we asked three YS readers to take a grip of themselves and review the top ten. Peter Shaw joined them and came in for some stick!

How d'you go about choosing a joystick? We're all guilty of believing that a joystick is a joystick is a joystick - so why not plump for the cheapest. After all, they all work in the same way, don't they? No, they jolly well don't. Even leaving aside an obvious novelty like the Suncom Joysensor, you'll find that each 'stick has its own feel, almost its own personality. (What is yours called? Ed). There are big 'uns and little 'uns, some with flexible shafts, others stiff. You'll come across some real neat ones and some that are just plain ugly.

And, to make things even more complicated, you'll soon suss out that a joystick that hits the heights on one game is of no earthly use on another. In an ideal world, you'd have a different joystick for every game in your collection - but then in an ideal world we'd be picking pound notes off the pavement! So, if you play more than one game, you're now faced with a very tricky bit of decision making. Do you pick a joystick that'll allow you to excel on your fave rave but only lets you plod along with pedestrian scores on the rest - or do you choose an all-rounder that'll give you better than average scores on a variety of games? But then you'll have to resign yourself to the fact that you may never receive the ultimate accolade of being chosen as one of Hex's Heroes.

Of course, for most of us, our minds are made up by the weight of our wallets. (What's a wallet? Ed). But whichever way you want to choose a joystick, you'll find all the information you need in our comprehensive review of the top ten. Each 'stick; has been thoroughly put through its paces by three great games players who've been hand picked from Hex's Heroes. And then they did the rough stuff on three very different types of game - a platform, Monty On The Run, a hand-to-hand combat, Way Of The Exploding Fist and a joystick waggler, Daley Thompson's Supertest.

So, if you're in the market for a new 'stick, turn the page and get stuck into the full reviews from our team of joyriders.

HIT & MISS STICKS

DALEY THOMPSON'S SUPERTEST - OCEAN

This is the ultimate game that'll push any joystick to its limits. If a 'stick can cope with a day's pounding from DT then you can be sure it's tough. And it's not just the shaft - The fire buttons need to be good too - easily accessible and very responsive for that last minute press before taking a penalty or diving from the spring board.

Quickshot II

Martin: I like the reactions with this one an' it's got some of the best positioned fire buttons of all the sticks.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Darren: I don't think this joystick wanted to co-operate and building up speed was tricky.
On The Stickometer: 2/10
MISS

Noel: The length of the shaft tires your arm out too quickly with all that waggling. Not keen on this one at all.
On The Stickometer: 6/10
MISS

Gunshot 1

Martin: Quite a good design but not as good as most joysticks. I don't think the omission of rapid fire matters.
On The Stickometer: 6/10
HIT

Darren: Not exactly a special joystick - very standard 8-directional. Still I did get some good scores with it.
On The Stickometer: 7/10
HIT

Noel: Looks too much like the Quickshot for my liking, and I don't reckon it'll take the strain of Supertest
On The Stickometer: 5/10
MISS

Formula 1

Martin: A good joystick with a good reaction time. The fire buttons are also well positioned. Where can I find fault?
On The Stickometer: 9/10
HIT

Darren: It's a good joystick - what else can I say? The colour's a bit garish but that doesn't bother me.
On The Stickometer: 9/10
HIT

Noel: Oh dear, this one's deafening me! The reaction's
OK, but the size of the shaft made my arm ache.
On The Stickometer: /810
HIT

Formula II

Martin: Wonderful design job and a really good response to back it up. This has it all apart for big buttons.
On The Stickometer: 8/
HIT10

Darren: Great stick. Well designed, good response and above all, the fire buttons are in the right place!
On The Stickometer: 9/10

Noel: This one's too flimsy. I prefer a good stiff stem, and this joystick definitely hasn't got what it takes.
On The Stickometer: 3/10
MISS

Kraft

Martin: Don't think much of this one. The design's too fragile and it just ain't good with Supertest.
On The Stickometer: 3/10
MISS

Darren: I reckon it's good. I prefer the small 'sticks as long as the control's still in there.
On The Stickometer: 9/10
HIT

Noel: This joystick is just right for Supertest. A short shaft means less work for me and it's tough enough.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Micro Stick

Martin: Not much cop for this sort of game. The rotation of the shaft makes it pretty awkward to use.
On The Stickometer: 5/10
MISS

Darren: Don't really like this one - the fire button is much too stiff to be of any use in this game.
On The Stickometer: 7/10
MISS

Noel: Well it's very nice but it tires your arm out after only a few waggles of the shaft.
On The Stickometer: 7/10
HIT

The Champion

Martin: It's got nice fire buttons and a good reaction but it doesn't seem to work with Supertest too well.
On The Stickometer: 5/10
MISS

Darren: Well it's easy to grip and easy to fire. I quite like the stylish design too.
On The Stickometer: 7/10
HIT

Noel: It's got very quick reactions and an excellent grip. I'll go for this one any day.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Le Stick

Martin: Oh it's so easy to win on Supertest - you only have to shake the joystick vigorously!
On The Stickometer: 10/10
HIT

Darren: Excellent joystick to use with Supertest - I've got my best score ever on nearly all the games.
On The Stickometer: 10/10
HIT

Noel: Ideal for this game, you only need to wiggle the joystick - it's that simple!
On The Stickometer: 10/10
HIT

Command Control

Martin: Well it's a good joystick and it's got a decent sized base to grab hold of. Bigger is better, eh?
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Darren: I don't think the vigorous action of Supertest is going to do this one any favours!
On The Stickometer: 5/10
MISS

Noel: Brilliant joystick to use with Supertest - very sturdy and reactions are fast.
On The Stickometer: 9/10
HIT

Suncom Joysensor

Martin: Ugh. It's terrible. Too much like using a ZX81 keyboard. There's no real control at all.
On The Stickometer: 1/10
MISS

Darren: It's really useless for this game - how can you do left/right quickly on a membrane?
On The Stickometer: 4/10
MISS

Noel: It reacted well but took the skin off the end of me finger while rubbing.
On The Stickometer: 6/10
MISS

MONTY ON THE RUN - GREMLIN GRAPHICS

For a platform game like this, a joystick's gonna need pinpoint accuracy so you can get as close to the edge as possible. And as you'll expect to spend a fair dew hours meeting Monty's goal, you don;t want a grip that'll leave you with sweaty palms and a slippery shaft. And the button had better be big so a thumb can easily be dumped on it for those long jumps.

Quickshot II

Martin: This joystick definitely works well with platform games. It's nice and accurate with a well-designed shaft.
On The Stickometer: 9/10
HIT

Darren: This is the one I've got at home, and I'm used to the action but that's not to say it's the best there is.
On The Stickometer: 9/10
HIT

Noel: OK, so it's not bad at coping with platform games, but I still reckon that the shaft is too flimsy.
On The Stickometer: 6/10
MISS

Gunshot 1

Martin: Quite a good joystick to use on the old platforms - everything seems easy to control.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Darren: It's got an average response and all-in-all it's a pretty average joystick. Nothing to write home about.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Noel: Stem seems to spindly and the grip gets as sweaty as Bumpry's armpit. Not for me this one.
On The Stickometer: 5/10
MISS

Formula 1

Martin: Very easy to get used to. I like the design and its accuracy overwhelmed me. I'll take one!
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Darren: Nice shaft though it could be longer and the reaction is OK. The overall effect is good.
On The Stickometer: 5/10
HIT

Noel: This one went very well with Monty. Its reaction is very fast - not bad at all.
On The Stickometer: 7/10
HIT

Formula II

Martin:Very good. The fire buttons react very well. Overall, perfect for this kind of game.
On The Stickometer: 9/10
HIT

Darren: It's very similar to the Gunshot. I like it, the design's very hi-tech and the reaction's fast.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Noel: It's still too flimsy for my liking but it works well with Monty though.
On The Stickometer: 6/10
MISS

Kraft

Martin: I don't rate this joystick at all. the response is OK but I find it too fragile for the game.
On The Stickometer: 2/10
MISS

Darren: It's a good joystick. I like this design more than most and the shaft's very comfortable.
On The Stickometer: 10/10
HIT

Noel: Oh, it's horrible - Monty, just doesn't work with it. I'd get more response from a garden gnome.
On The Stickometer: 4/10
MISS

Micro Stick

Martin: It's too stiffm very slow and unresponsive. But the design is quite good so I'll be gentle.
On The Stickometer: 5/10
MISS

Darren: Better in this game, possibly because everything doesn't go so fast. Still not impressed.
On The Stickometer: 7/10
MISS

Noel: It's quite good. It's got fast action and a good grip design. I like it even if they don't.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

The Champion

Martin: It's very pretty but I don't think much of the overall effect. The controls seem a bit dodgy.
On The Stickometer: 4/10
MISS

Darren: It's a smooth joystick, but I don't reckon it works to well with this game.
On The Stickometer: 6/10
MISS

Noel: It's the best desiigned joystick of the pack and to top that the reaction speed is fast too.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Le Stick

Martin: It's a lot of hard work stopping Monty running into things when you haven't got a leg to stand on.
On The Stickometer: 6/10
MISS

Darren: It's much too awkward to use in this game - you really can't control what's happening.
On The Stickometer: 5/10
MISS

Noel: Ooops - no good for Monty as he keeps running off the end of all the platforms.
On The Stickometer: 3/10
MISS

Command Control

Martin: Directional control on this joystick is quite good. Unfortunately the top button lets it down.
On The Stickometer: 6/10
HIT

Darren: The shaft's the right size, it's the right shape and offers good control. Just right for platforms.
On The Stickometer: 9/10
HIT

Noel: Well apart from getting a little too sweaty in my paw, this one works really well.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Suncom Joysensor

Martin: Even worse than with Supertest. The movement control is absolutely tosh. Double ugh!
On The Stickometer: 1/10
MISS

Darren: It's not quite right for platforms somehow, but it was great fun trying!
On The Stickometer: 6/10
HIT

Noel: It's useless with platforms as you can't change direction accurately enough.
On The Stickometer: 4/10
MISS

WAY OF THE EXPLODING FIST - MELBOURNE HOUSE

If you're ready to face the karate challenge, your joystick will need the combined powers of both shaft and button. If the shaft won't react quickly enough, or its directional flexibility is dodgy, then a joystick can be considered worthless with a game like this. Plus you'll need a fire button that's easily accessible and very responsive - or it's the chop for you, matey!

Quickshot II

Martin: Hmmm, it;s realy easy to use with Fist, The reaction is good and the buttons are just right.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Darren: Can't say I like this combination. Maybe it's me but it sure seems a bit unresponsive.
On The Stickometer: 3.5/10
MISS

Noel: It's got a well designed grip and fire button positioning, but the movement feels too limp and flimsy.
On The Stickometer: 5/10
MISS

Gunshot 1

Martin: Nothing special, but the reactions are fast enough to keep up with Fist and fire buttons are OK.
On The Stickometer: 9/10
HIT

Darren: Well I like it. I found it very co-operative an' I'd be quite happy having one on my Speccy. So there!
On The Stickometer: 9/10
HIT

Noel: The shaft's too spindly and I reckon it'll break if you sneeze on it. Please take it away!
On The Stickometer: 5/10
MISS

Formula 1

Martin: Not so good for use with Fist. The size of the shaft seems a disadvantage. Fire buttons are nice though.
On The Stickometer: 5/10
MISS

Darren: I think it gives you a lot of control. The fire buttons are in exactly the right position and they're BIG!
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Noel: Reacts quite well and the size of the fire buttons are a big plus in this joystick's favour.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Formula II

Martin: This one seems made for Fist, the reaction time is good - control is easy and the fire buttons are fab.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Darren: It's great. The case design is very smart and the reaction time is good too - I'm tempted to get one.
On The Stickometer: 10/10
HIT

Noel: It's really too flimsy. I know I keep going on about it but I rather hold a piece of raw liver than this joystick.
On The Stickometer: 6/10
MISS

Kraft

Martin: Reactions are quick enough but the shaft's too small. You won't find me buying one.
On The Stickometer: 3/10
MISS

Darren: Pretty good - it responds well with this game. I like the four-way, eight-way feature.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Noel: Shock, horror - it reacts quite well with Fist. You wouldn't think it was the same joystick.
On The Stickometer: 6/10
HIT

Micro Stick

Martin: Don't like it a great deal, it's a bit too stiff. You get massacred using this one for Fist.
On The Stickometer: 4/10
MISS

Darren: Oh dear... maybe the fire button has actually packed up. Not a good mark in my book.
On The Stickometer: 5/10
MISS

Noel: Quite a good joystick (The fire button must still have been working! Ed). Good response.
On The Stickometer: 7/10
HIT

The Champion

Martin: It''s a pretty design but being left handed I find it quite awkward to use.
On The Stickometer: 5/10
HIT

Darren: Another one of the joysticks has packed up on me this time the directional controls are up the spout!
On The Stickometer: 3/10
MISS

Noel: It's got quite good reactions and responsive diagonal controls. Good joystick.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Le Stick

Martin: Terrible! Very hard to judge where it is and diagonals are nigh-on impossible to achieve.
On The Stickometer: 2/10
MISS

Darren: I think it's quite good but if you get too excited then you might lose track of where you are.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Noel: Very slow reacting - I reckon it's a miss for Fist. (More, Adrian Mole poetry huh? Ed.)
On The Stickometer: 4/10
MISS

Command Control

Martin: A good stick with an easy-to-handle shaft but the choice of etierh top or bottom fire button is naff.
On The Stickometer: 7/10
HIT

Darren: The buttons are good although I'd have preferred to use both. Works well with Fist though.
On The Stickometer: 9/10
HIT

Noel: You can really kick the proverbial out of the other player with this stick. Very responsive!
On The Stickometer: 9/10
HIT

Suncom Joysensor

Martin: It's not really very practical. As joysticks go, this one's more of a novelty than anything.
On The Stickometer: 2/10
MISS

Darren: Seems to work better with Fist than with any of the other games. Quite a good sore with this one.
On The Stickometer: 8/10
HIT

Noel: Reacts really well. I've just beaten my all-time high score. I might even buy one!
On The Stickometer: 9/10
HIT

TIDINGS OF COMFORT AND JOYSTICKS

As we've no doubt pointed out about 20 times already this issue, Christmas is almost upon us, so what better time to take a good long gander at the wonderful world of joysticks? After all, they make an ideal stocking filler! (Or so LINDA BARKER thinks anyway.)

Not really knowing a massive amount about joysticks (it has to be said) I thought I'd check with a couple of my sources before embarking on this feature. What a waste of time - the only comprehensible (and non-indecent) answer I got went along the lines of "Um, er, um, they're those smelly things you light, aren't they?" Useless. Vowing to get a better class of source, I made my excuses and left. The research was all up to me.

Ahem. So where are we? Well, what with it being Christmas (the 21st time we've mentioned it this issue) and everything, we thought you'd be wondering what to ask good old Santa for this year. Well, how about a joystick? They really do make rather lovely little presents - not too extortionately priced (usually), made of spiffy red and black plastic (almost always) and just a nice size to wrap up too! The only problem is there are so many to choose from. Decisions, decisions. I hate 'em (and I'm sure you do too), so being incredibly kind-hearted souls we thought we'd save you the trouble of traipsing round all the stores. Now there's no need to work yourself into a hair-tearing ninny because you can't decide what to get, because we've done all the deciding for you. All you have to do is settle down, get yourself comfy and read on. (Hurrah!).

COMPETITION PRO 5000 BLACK (£14.95).
COMPETITION PRO PHANTOM (£14.95).
COMPETITION PRO GOAL (£14.95).
COMPETITION PRO 5000 CLEAR (£15.95).
COMPETITION PRO 5000 EXTRA, RED GLOW AND GREEN GLOW (£17.50)

The Competition Pro 5000 is the one that we generally use in the office. It's a good medium sort of size and simple in design - a car gear lever-like shaft with a knob on the top, and two big fire buttons on the base, all finished in ubiquitous red and black. Some may think it looks a bit old-fashioned, but I like it - there's no fuss and pretension here. It's been around a while (eight years or so) and is still popular, probably because it's so durable (the shaft's steel-plated, you see).

Seeing as it's the one that's almost always plugged into our office Speccy it's been the standard I've been judging the others by. All versions of the stick come with microswitches on the fire buttons and a two-year guarantee, no suckers though (so desktop work isn't too hot) but the more expensive ones get autofire and slow motion features. It's easy to get to grips with and a good shape to hold but (but! But!) one problem - the stick's too stiff for me and doesn't waggle enough. They loosen up with age apparently (and tend to be fairly unbreakable) so perhaps that's worth putting up with however.

Of course, if you're bored of black and red (and if you're not now, you will be by the end of this feature) you can get the same basic design finished in different ways. The Phantom is a ghostly white ('startling', according to the packaging), with a black handle and fire buttons (very stylish), while the World Cup series comes in ten different colour combinations for different teams. We've got the England one (a white body with red buttons and stick) but more exciting is Brazil - green and yellow. Ideal for Kick Off II!

What else? Well, the Clear is, as you might expect, clear (so you can see all the wires and nice little gold bits inside) while the 'Glow Style' Extras are a sort of transparent luminous acid green or pink. Nice and bright, but really worth the extra three quid!? (I think not.)

COMMAND CONTROL (£24.99)

A bit on the expensive side (and then some) this isn't so much a joystick as three joysticks in one (well, sort of). Yes, it comes with three different shafts, which you can swop around as you see fit. You can have a straight steel stick with a red knob on the end, or either put a straight cover thing over the steel bit or a red hand moulded bit - the choice is yours.

The actual base is a big red and black box thing with a sticking-up round bit that you stick the actual shaft into. There're no suckers so it doesn't stay on the table if you get over excited, and the whole thing was a bit too stiff for me. Response seemed quite slow too. While the Tac50 (made by the same company) has a lifetime warranty, this only has one for 90 days - yet it's much more expensive. (How they work these things out is beyond me.)

LINDA'S PICK OF THE STICKS

So there you have it. After much debate and deliberation in the office (and a fair amount of arguing) we've managed to narrow it down to the top three. (Or at least, I have.) Here we go...

1) POWERPLAY CRUISER (in black)
A nice shape, well-built, a good price and oh-so-sexy in black. A bit of a winner all-round really.

2) KONIX NAVIGATOR
Quite well-built, small and futuristic-looking, and ideal for when you haven't a table to lean on (or don't want to anyway). Quite expensive for what it is though.

3) = COMPO PRO 5000
Super-sturdy and quite accurate - worth the high(ish) price.

3) = CHEETAH 125+
Accurate and comfortable, if a bit cheap looking in the plastic casing stakes. Very good value though.

Now all you need to do is a) ring the one you want, b) leave this issue innocently lying around the house (open at these pages of course) and c) hope that someone with a bit of money takes the hint! Merry Christmas, everybody!